Regarding the New TSA Screening Procedures

I don't really have a problem with the new scatter-back body imaging machines at airports. But then, I don't fly all that frequently and I am somewhat opposed to being blown to bits when I do*. While I'm less than thrilled to have some random TSA employee checking out my overweight, middle-aged naked body, I'm fairly certain the TSA agent is no more pleased with seeing my nakedness than I am every morning. Who wants to look at that?

So, what happens if I opt out of the naked body scanner do-dad? It seems we've learned recently that opting out of the scan could result in a fairly invasive pat-down, but before we all get crazy about this "invasion", we should maybe ask for a little clarification on the pat-down protocol.

What if the potential airline passenger were allowed to select the TSA employee of their choice for the pat-down screening? As an long-ago married woman, if I find myself in line for the naked body scanner and spy a hunky, delightful example of manhood in the TSA agent lineup, I may choose to refuse the scan, just for a momentary thrill.

I think if the choice of potential pat-down agents were made available to all passengers, the need for and cost of those machines could be cut dramatically!

Saving your tax dollars with common sense, and the occasional thrill of a pat-down.

XO

Jodi

* No, I do not believe that either security measure actually makes us safer to fly the friendly skies. Nothing short of the abolition of hatred could accomplish that task.

An Open Letter to Standard Time

Dear Standard Time:

I hate you! I hate the eyeball trauma you cause me on both my morning AND evening commutes as the lazy sun-orb parks its precious self just atop the horizon. And I hate that the sun-orb sees fit to douse my world with mentally-beneficial vitamin D only while I'm forced to be inside a vehicle or office building. And I hate that I have barely 30 minutes of daylight remaining once I arrive home. And my dog hates you, too!

Additionally I hate that you and the calendar always conspire to incite my too-often unconcerned customers into suddenly deciding - based solely on your combined influences, as far as I can tell - that the work they've put off all year long is finally Important And Must Be Completed Immediately.


I hate you Standard Time, because your timing is flat-out shitty. For some folks your arrival announces upcoming holidays and joyous family times, but for me you announce only darkness and hours upon hours of overtime work.

You stress me out, Standard Time! And I hate you.

Yours Truly
Jodi

Why I Hate Toilet Paper Manufacturers

I have been having a one-sided argument with the toilet paper manufacturing industry for the past few years. First, all but the least-worthy brands stopped selling the traditional "single roll" of paper - the only roll of paper that could be comfortably housed in the recessed toilet paper dispensers that came with my 40+ year old home.

I tried all those fancy (and curiously elusive) toilet roll extender do-dads, but none of them worked. Yes, I was able to load the Double Rolls and even the Mega-Rolls in the recessed receptacles, but the paper would not roll smoothly from it's spool into the waiting hands of the toilet's occupant. Eventually I managed to accept this new state of affairs, but it was not easy for me. And we're still left with the whole "hand-held" toilet paper rolls whenever we visit the master bathroom. (Thankfully we updated the main bathroom last year, so that room is finally capable of accommodating today's giant paper rolls.)

But now - just as I've adjusted to the realities of the Mega-Roll - the manufacturer of my carefully chosen brand of paper has decided that it needs an upgrade, and I am once again having difficulty finding my preferred style/brand in most stores. Seriously, folks? This is toilet paper! How much upgrading can possibly be done?

I live in a home that is dependent on a 40+ year old septic system which is shockingly particular about what it will and will not tolerate. I can't just willy-nilly buy whatever paper has the best price, the cutest packaging, or the most ridiculous advertisements. (As an aside, does anyone else find those cartoon bears with paper-encrusted butts just a bit off-putting?) I need to make serious, educated decisions about my toilet paper buying. And I really need the toilet paper people to stop screwing around with what works.

Dear Toilet Paper Manufacturers: I'm cool with changes in packaging and re-inventing of logos or advertising campaigns (so long as you promise to leave out the cartoon bears), but please stop changing the product because you think it needs "improving". IT'S TOILET PAPER, PEOPLE! I'm a loyal purchaser of your paper. I like it, my husband likes it, and - most importantly - it doesn't choke up my septic system. Leave it alone already, would ya?

Signed,
Tired of Toilet Paper Shopping
Jodi

Hanging on to that which I love...

I'm patio sitting with the pup tonight, testing my (and my laptop's) luck with the minor threat of rain. Why? Because today is September first, and thereby the unofficial start of Autumn.

Fall is one of my two favorite seasons - crisp air and colorful foliage give this time of year clearly high marks. But the onset of fall is always a bittersweet time for me. I look forward to the glories of the season, but dread the aftermath. I think I put my feelings toward this seasonal change pretty succinctly in the Ode to Summer I wrote last September.

I'm just never prepared for the wrap-up of summer... it always comes upon me too suddenly, and I'm never happy to see it coming to a close. The silly thing is that I don't really love summertime all that much. I do love the abundance of sunlight, but I'm not a great fan of the heat or humidity, so I don't regularly spend a ton of time outdoors in the thick of the summer season.

Alas, I am at a crossroads again. Summer is ending and Autumn is coming fast on its heels. My burning bushes have already started turning red, the summer flowers have faded away, and I am busy trying to decide which of the summer-long-neglected yard projects are the most pressing.

April can't get here soon enough!
XO
Jodi

Timely Link...

Please read this Op. Ed. written by Michael P. Fleisher published in today's Wall Street Journal (Aug. 9, 2010). The article lays out far more precisely the points I wished to make in my last post. If you're interested in hearing from an actual small business employer about the ramifications of the current economic environment, you'll want to check it out.

XO
Jodi

First Time Ever

For the first time since I was sixteen years old (and that's roughly 23 years, for those keeping track), I have been forced to file a claim of unemployment.

Obviously I am not happy about this first-ever event. I would honestly rather stick hot branding irons in my eyes than go down this road, especially considering that my husband has been unemployed for what will soon become one solid year. But, the circumstances are what they are... my company, like SO many others these days is struggling to stay afloat.

As of today, my first-ever stint of unemployment is temporary. I will be "enjoying" two weeks off without pay so that my company might save enough to continue paying me when this furlough is complete. (Insert here gratitude that my job hasn't been eliminated altogether.)

I am SO sick of this shit economy and the barrage of "it'll get worse before it gets better" news small businesses like mine are receiving from the government. I can't even discuss the crap-ass "it's not so bad" spin from the media. In what world is nearly 10% unemployment "not so bad?"

I firmly believe that the health care bill's passage, combined with the potential passage of the Cap & Trade bill is what's driving our economy at this moment. Employers are faced with a giant question mark regarding their role in insuring their employees, and where their (potential cap and trade induced) taxes might fall in upcoming years. This inability to forecast income/outgo/employee expenses is paralyzing... especially so for small businesses.

There is a direct correlation to companies choosing to put their growth potential on the back burner. They have been given neither the hope nor the desire to expand their operations, because they're unable to forecast what regulations the government might set upon them next.

I don't pretend to have an answer for this mess. I am not an economist or a politician, but I am aware enough of my business and the surrounding environment to know that the current state of affairs isn't moving our economy toward growth.

I pray - fervently - that the voters of my country will decide that what we're experiencing now is not the brand of "hope and change" they wished for in 2008.

Completely Frustrated.
Jodi

Boring Home Decor

When Bob and I first moved here and bought furniture appropriate for our (new! larger!) space, I spent hours, days weeks and months re-arranging the living room. I moved the couch over there and the love seat over here... placed a side table next to this chair and a floor lamp next to that. I shoved the TV cabinet across the room, hoping to avoid the glare from the setting sun, and I made certain the enormous brick fireplace was always the focal point of the room.

Back then, Bob was perpetually frustrated by the changes I made. Eventually we (and the room) settled on a floor plan that worked for everyone. For several years now, the couch goes here, the love seat goes there, and the chair is stuck in that corner. The TV cabinet has been upgraded with a new flat-screen television, but it hasn't moved from that wall; and the CD cabinet, which screams college dorm room, hasn't moved from its spot near the front entry for so long that I now fear if it were moved, the carpet beneath it would be permanently pocked.

I am SO bored with my living room. Every time I walk through it I think it's probably time (after TWELVE years) that we find a way to make the room look more "adult" and less "college student". In truth I would love to move every piece of furniture in that room to the basement so I could start with a clean slate. In reality my husband might divorce me for banishing his television-watching habit to the basement, and we certainly can't afford the new, more formal furniture I want to replace the dorm-room look.

Of course, the minute I allow myself to think about re-decorating the living room, my mind wanders to the most wonderful kitchen of my dreams. And I quickly realize the alas, none of these changes are meant to be, now or in the immediate future.

And then I'm made to wonder... where is my imaginary, independently wealthy boyfriend when I need him? Sigh.

Sweet Dreams!
XO
Jodi

Adventures in Grocery Shopping

I hate grocery shopping, so one of the greatest things about my husband's unemployment is that he is available to take on this task. I haven't let go of the laundry (likely never will), or the dusting (because he's not so thorough). But the grocery shopping? I've always hated that chore, so I'm more than happy to let him take control... mostly.


Bob is better than I am at grocery shopping in at least one way: he cuts, notices expiration dates of, and actually utilizes coupons. I suck at coupon-cutting/keeping/tracking. The only problem I have with Bob's coupon excellence is that he'll often use them for items which we do not need... and occasionally for items we do not consume. In Bob's mind a coupon must be redeemed before its expiration date, even if using the coupon means that we're left with an item we'll never use, or one which will expire long before it can be consumed. In my opinion the "value" of a coupon is lost if a) the item expires before consumed or b) the item will never be consumed.

My second complaint about this new shopping arrangement is that when I'm adding items to our grocery list (and we are primarily "list" shoppers), I must be very, exclusionary specific. For example: I once put "Ranch Dressing" on the list... Bob came home with some generic form of my standard Hidden Valley brand. FAIL!

And when I put "Fat-Free Snack Pack Pudding" on the list, Bob came home with the Sugar-Free variety instead of fat-free. I didn't notice the change until I was eating my lunch at work. BLECH! Sugar-free pudding is awful! I made sure to tell Bob about his pudding mistake... and the he took note. The next time he went shopping, Snack Pack pudding was on sale! Congratulating himself on his sale + coupon score, and remembering I don't like the sugar-free stuff, Bob bought the plain 'ole full-fat, full-sugar variety. FAIL!

(I must give credit where it's due: when I looked into the pantry and reported his error, he bravely returned to the store and exchanged the pudding.) (And I suppose it's only right to acknowledge that I've been the primary household shopper for 18 years, so his quirks/requests are now fully ingrained in my own shopping brain, whereas mine are still new for him.)


Here's hoping he learns his lessons well enough to continue doing the shopping when he finds himself once again employed. (And God knows we're both praying that happens soon!)


XO
Jodi

Patience is a Virtue

If the folks who know me best were to judge me based solely on my level of patience... for the rambunctiousness of children; for awaiting an answer/outcome; for dealing with the "breathers" of the world... I would generally fail the test. Though I have proven myself capable of sometimes saintly-inspired, tongue-biting endurance, I am not a particularly patient person.

My husband, on the other hand, may well be the most patient and tolerant human being on the planet. The proof is in the pudding. He has put up with me for nearly two decades, and I promise you I have not made that easy.

This brings me to my quandary. My husband's patience with our pup has sometimes (based on Bob's typical standard of patience) been short-lived. I can't decide if this lack of patience has surfaced because we have lived so many years without a real "puppy" in our home; or if Bob still harbors some level of impatience based on the bad habits our past pups displayed; or if the sheer size of Bruno translates for Bob into "fully-grown dog", instead of "8-month-old pup".

Bruno has a good deal of energy, though he sleeps most of the day. Now that the weather is nicer I try my best to walk him each evening after work, in hopes of draining a bit of his energy stores. But the minute he barks, Bob barks back! It bugs me no end that Bob's immediate response is to holler, rather than to pick up a toy and play with boy.

Dinner time stresses me out because Bob is so very stern with Bruno when we're sitting down to eat... and the warnings come from Bob before Bruno has really presented the slightest interest in our plates. Our Dalmatian, Malcolm, was always too nosy for his own good and he often stole food or drink from us, and we seemed to be forever correcting him during mealtime. But it's not that way with Bruno! He understands the "leave it" command and pretty quickly finds his way to his pillow, allowing us to dine without canine interruption.

I often find myself reminding Bob that the giant in our midst is still younger than Malcolm was when we adopted him. I know that Bruno is huge, and that most folks don't look at him and think "puppy" anymore, but he IS still a puppy! And like a child who hasn't learned to share his toys, Bruno is still learning the best ways to please his people.

I continue to remind Bob that patience is the key to raising a happy, healthy and well-adjusted dog, but it's Bob who is wearing my patience thin. Which forces me to remind myself that patience is a virtue.

God grant us patience, all three!
XO
Jodi

In This Week's News... (updated)

Good News: Bob had his first interview last week (his first nibble of interest, actually), after six months of unemployment!

Bad News: He didn't get the job.

*************

Bad News: My hair continues to be brittle and weak. It's been slowly falling out a few strands at a time for longer than I care to remember.

Good News: I've been examining the hair as it abandons my head, and it seems only my gray hair is jumping ship lately. (I will not discuss the rapidly decreasing ratio of brown hair to gray.)

*************

Good News: I took Bruno on two walks this weekend, and we played some soccer (with an ancient volleyball) in the backyard. We're both finally getting some much-needed exercise!

Bad News: I seem to have developed a heel spur or some such. My right heel is painful and the slightly elevated heeled shoes I wear to work are torturing me. Would it be wrong to wear tennis shoes with dress pants?

*************

Bad News: Bruno has officially become a couch potato! And I'm not exaggerating (much) when I report that the 80 lb. puppy feels like 150 lbs. of dead weight at exactly the moment you'd like him to: a) remove his moments-ago-comfortably-warming - but now suddenly overly hot - body off your hot-flashing self; or b) move his big butt over a tiny bit so you can reacquire your place on the sofa after making a run to the kitchen for the bowl of sherbet you hope will cool your most recent hot flash. It's fat-free sherbet, and fat-free is also calorie-free, no?

Good News: Bruno is adorable enough that his couch-hogging ways are still more cute than annoying.

This photo was not staged. The boy rested his head on those pillows of his own accord.

*************

Good News: Our central Indiana weather is finally, FINALLY warming up! The past weekend was full of delightfully delicious sunshine, and the temperatures Monday and Tuesday topped out at just over 60°!

Better News: The rest of the week's temperatures promise to be just as mild! We will be getting some rain showers (there's even a threat of thunderstoms - be still my heart), but for me, rain is a welcome sign that spring is on its way!

Hooray!

XO
Jodi

Why yes, I would like some cheese.

Apologies in advance: I hope you'll forgive me if this post makes your ears bleed. Feel free to shout obscenities in my general direction when you've finished reading. I'm OK with that.

Something's rotten in Denmark the Burg and I'm feeling whiny and cry-ey and all around down lately. I'm trying every day to be positive in my thinking, my outlook, and my mindset. But sometimes reality sneaks into my daydreamy brain and reminds me that this, it is not good.

Bob's been out of work since the first week of August (he's been unpaid since September 1). Besides the obvious stress – because I've made no secret of it – of his always, always being home, there is also the stress of our living on a single income. Yes, Bob is collecting unemployment, but his new monthly income is less than half of what he was making when employed. That doesn't take into account the fact that we're now footing 100% of our health insurance premiums on a policy with deductibles so high that we'll never reach them, unless we both manage to sprout several mysteriously incurable diseases in single 12-month period.

And did I mention that on the very day Bob announced his layoff I managed to finally pay off the last of our revolving credit accounts? For about 1.5 seconds we had zero credit card debt! It was as if we'd been given a free ticket to early retirement! Or ample funds to treat ourselves to glorious travel adventures or other brandy new opportunities! Those were the most carefree 1.5 seconds of our nearly 18-years together.

Of course, we don't stop living simply because one of us is unemployed. We continue to require food, and the vehicles require gasoline, and the utility, mortgage and car payments still have to be made. Whatever semblance of a household budget that might have existed before the layoff has been quickly blown to hell. Expenses accumulate... the house requires maintenance; and the cost of last summer's bathroom remodel, which we (when dually employed) could have paid in full in three short months, still lingers on the home equity account. Then too, there are Bruno's bills (an ongoing expense we admittedly could have avoided, but we aren't sorry for incurring).

I know our worries are insignificant when compared to those of many others. I know I sound like a whining, spoiled, entitled American bitch. However our worries are real and they do suck. And they sometimes descend upon me in one gigantic and horribly breath-taking anxiety attack.

Sadly these worries are compounded by the fact that in six months of job searching, Bob hasn't received a single nibble of interest. He's been unemployed three other times in the past 15 years, but this stint of unemployment is dragging on with no hope in site. And our worries are wearing on me.

XO
Jodi

Random Warnings

• A home that boasts one over-buyer of Halloween candy and one not-much-of-a-chocolate-eater will find itself overrun with leftover chocolaty treats. When the various gifts of Christmas are added to the equation, said home will be downright buried with sickly sweet edibles (or in-edibles, depending on your perspective).

• One unemployed husband + One obsessive-compulsive wife who knows she can do it more / better / best = an undefined list of chores AND a less than neat and tidy house.

• Office Holiday parties can be fun! But when they take place during the workday and are preceded by a 2.5-hour meeting of the mindless (plus one quick-witted publishing professional), they’re simply an interruption to productivity.

• Contrary to your wishes, Christmas gift buying will be a PITA. Even when you take up the task thinking it should be quick and easy, something will trip you up along the way.

• Textured ceilings should be outlawed! One word: DUST BUNNIES. Yes, that was two words…sue me.

• Confirmation from your hairdresser of your suspected gray hair situation is not welcome news, and will end all thoughts that your head might be secretly harboring a few randomly spaced leftover highlighted hairs. This knowledge will likely make you feel older than you think you are.

• No matter how many visitors one has invited for Christmas, the decorations will not teleport themselves into place. Eventually you’ll have to deal with this and put them up yourself… because the folks you invited are likely expecting an actual Christmas tree under which gifts might be placed, and before which photos could be taken.

I hope you heed my Random Warnings. I don’t want you to be caught unaware. I'm a middle child, so it's my job to make sure you are fairly warned and can avoid these pitfalls.

XO
Jodi

Something Wicked This Way Comes

OK, maybe not wicked, per se... just different and somewhat discombobulating. But, "Something Different and Somewhat Discombobulating This Way Comes" doesn't really strike the same chord.

What I'm saying is that I've lost my blogging mojo. I'm not certain of the reason, but I have some theories:

• Could be because my husband has been home Every. Day. On. Earth. for 4th months straight. I love him, but I also place a high value on alone time. Three hours once a week is not enough alone time!
• Could be due to all the walks I'm taking and playtime I'm sharing with Bruno Baby. The daytime temperatures have been awesome (for November), and Bruno and I are making sure we take full advantage while it lasts!
• Could be that blasted Facebook thing to which I've become quickly and completely addicted. I warned you people not to make me do it!
• Could be the onset of dark mornings and darker evenings, which always seep into my psyche and leave me feeling less energetic than on sunnier days.

Whatever my problem is, I'm sorry that I've been posting too sporadically (and maybe too frequently about the pup). I hope it won't be much longer before I have more to get excited about; more to say; more energy to share with you.

Stay tuned... you never know when the mood will strike me to write something clever or funny or profound.

XO
Jodi

Insomnia

It's nearly 3 AM on a Saturday morning and I haven't yet been to sleep. I've gone to bed three separate times, but sleep will not come. Insomnia has been my intermittent enemy since my dad's death.

At first I was plagued by broken-up, senseless, rotten dreams which would wake me in the early hours of the morning and not allow me to fall back to sleep. Then I started to just be awake, until two, three or five in the morning. Not able to sleep whatsoever.

Gradually, with the help of some OTC sleeping pills, I was able to get myself to sleep at a reasonable hour and I could stay asleep through the night. I've long ago stopped taking the pills, and the only persistent remnant of this grief-induced insomnia occurs on nights such as this, when I'm out and about well past my bedtime.

Bob and I were at a pre-reunion party this evening and we didn't get back home until about 1AM. It doesn't really surprise me that he's fast asleep and I'm wide awake. By now I know that if I push myself past 10 or 11 PM, I'll be up and awake for most of the night. I don't really like it, and I'll be beat dead tomorrow, but I just can't relax enough for sleep. Tomorrow night (the actual HS reunion) will likely be the same story. We'll party till we're pooped and I won't be sleepy in the least when we finally get home.

I'm sure Sunday will be filled with US Open tennis watching... through my eyelids.

shrug
XO
Jodi

5.5K Later...

No, I haven't taken part in a 5K charity walk. And No, I haven't run a 5K race... running if I'm not being chased seems like wasted effort.

THIS 5.5K is related to the bathroom remodel... and it's approximately what we spent to install the first wholly new, updated, useful and beautiful room in our late 1960's era home. I'm not complaining about the cost. I knew we weren't likely to get the job done inexpensively, because I wanted the job done right. I set the budget at 5K and I was thrilled when the total came in under 6K! As any remodeler will tell you, you should set your budget and then plan to add another 10% or 15% to the total. We done good with the budget, I think.

BUT, after spending all that money, we recently found the new bathtub faucet was dripping approximately 2.5 gallons of water every single day! It's a damned good thing we aren't paying for our water consumption. But, our well water is really very sandy and rusty and the drip was staining the brand new tub... And it was ticking me off, big!

The plumber was here today and his report is that our crappy water caused the drip. In just over a month the crud in our water had gunked up a rubber washer in our brand spanking new tub spout! He replaced the rotten washer but he highly recommends we invest in a new water softening system. So I guess the bathroom budget has just gone the way of our rusty water... down the drain!

Bob's doing some research tonight, but I have no doubt that this new system will cost at least half of the remodel budget.

Boo Hiss!
XO
Jodi

Oye

I drove to Columbus, OH last night for an early morning client meeting today. As I was sitting in my hotel room surfing the 'net, I performed my habitual act of running my fingers through my hair. My hair is thick, but brittle, so it's not unusual that a few strands will break off in my hand when I comb through it with my fingers. What is unusual is that I'll examine the broken hair. I did that last night (must have been waiting for a website to load or something), and the hair I found in my hand seemed to be rather light in color.

This is the first time I'd noticed such a thing, but I thought maybe it was just a random blond hair leftover from my last highlight which was about a year ago. With this thought in mind, I plucked another hair from my head in order to compare it to the stray. The freshly plucked hair was decidedly darker than the first sample.

So I tried again, running my fingers through the sides of my hair, and pulling away a few more broken examples for color comparison. Two of the three did not match my natural, dirty-dish-water color. This was not the scientific result I was hoping for, and as I examined the hair more closely it dawned on me... Oh. My. Gawd. My hair is growing GRAY!!!

Obviously I haven't told Bob about this development. I've spent the the better part of a decade ribbing him about his completely gray head of hair (which I secretly love), so it seems like I'd just be setting myself up for ridicule if I were to confess this truth. Instead, I think I'll call my niece and beg her for a fresh highlight. STAT!

I don't know why exactly, but I really never thought this would happen to me. Now that it has, I'm re-thinking my lifelong opinion that folks who are graying should grow gray gracefully. Maybe someday I'll change my mind again, but for now I'm planning to hide my condition... if only from myself.

XO
Jodi

Unfortunately Official

We are once again a single-income household. Bob has been on work furlough for the past month, but he will be officially unemployed this Friday. Blech.

We've been through this a couple of times, and I know it's not the end of the world, but still it sucks. Bob will collect a meager unemployment check. We'll get by making only necessary purchases. I'll suck it up and forgo lunches outside my office walls. We'll save on gas money, since Bob won't be driving so many miles. And The Man should find it much easier to get my chores done! (Bright side!)

It's a sad commentary on the construction industry's ups and downs that I know just what to do when unemployment befalls my man. I've already applied for health insurance (my company doesn't even offer it, so Bob always carries us!) and I started re-assigning the various bill payment priorities when the furlough was announced.

Now we just have to pray that Bob will find gainful employment quickly in "this crappy economy". Those are three of my least favorite words, and they are the reason I'm a shade more concerned about this go-around of job searching.

Keep your fingers crossed that those three ugly words don't put me out on the street too!

XO
Jodi

Killer Red-Eye

Bob and I are home from AK and struggling mightily to remain upright until a decent sleeping hour strikes. We boarded a red-eye flight from Anchorage on Friday night and arrived home (+ 4 hours) around 10:30 this morning.

Hoping the toothpicks are strong enough to hold open our lids for a few more hours... I'll have pictures and stories tomorrow.

XO
Jodi