Missing My Daddy

I sure wish he was here with me.

He's been gone just over eight months. So much has happened in our lives since he left us! Things he'd be proud of, or worry over, or love us through, if only he were here.

We're expecting another baby (sister Kate is getting along well with her pregnancy). There will soon be a new homeowner among us (more on that later). Mom's gotten a new knee – accompanied by a newly shattered ankle (she's healing nicely, thank goodness). New career paths are being blazed, sometimes reluctantly. Kids are growing. Teeth are sprouting in the mouths of babes. Toilets are being trained. Life is being lived.

It sometimes surprises me that we can keep on living life when someone so brilliant, so insightful and so pivotal to our lives is gone. I wonder how we'll ever manage without him.

I sure hope he's looking over us now, because we need looking after much more now than we ever needed when he was raising us.

Loves to my Daddy,

Jodi

The Gate

I don't know why it happened just now... it's been a week since we said goodbye to our sweet baby girl... But I just now found it incredibly difficult to walk through "The Gate". It very suddenly hurt my heart to cross that threshold knowing my girl wasn't on the other side.

Let it be known that "The Gate" is the barrier we initally placed between our then-puppy, Malcolm and the garbage. Malcolm is still capable of making himself sick on any category of garbage... thus The Gate lives on. At some point after we adopted Ariel, The Gate, for ME, became less about Malcolm's garbage detail and more about my lame attempt to corral Ariel's shedding. My sweet little girl could shed several pounds of hair in a single day!

Today I'm sorry that The Gate was ever employed. I miss my girl, and I'd do just about anything to find another great clump of her fur in the house... before or beyond The Gate.

XO
Jodi

Drat!

In an effort to get myself back into the kitchen – not my favorite place, and not a place I spend much time in the summer months – I promised Bob I'd make The Pioneer Woman's chocolate sheet cake. I forgot to add the teaspoon of baking soda. I'm sure it didn't rise correctly. I have no idea how it's going to taste. Bob's not home yet to try it out.

I have sworn off baking several times because it's such an exact science, and I'm not such an exacting person, especially in the kitchen. Ahh, well. Just one more goof up to add to the list.

UPDATE: Bob tasted the cake and reports that it's VERY rich (I might have over-heaped my heaping tablespoons of cocoa) and that it has the consistency of a brownie. I'm sure that's because I left out the the one ingredient of the recipe which would give it "loft". Surprisingly, Bob has approved this recipe for use this weekend when we host his folks for his mother's birthday, so long as we serve it ala mode.

XO
Jodi

R.I.P. Old Girl

My baby girl has gone to heaven. She was well loved and she will be deeply missed. Rest in peace, sweet Ariel.

Love,
Momma and Daddy

Weekend Stories

My weekend didn't go quite the way I thought it would. Uncle Bill's group home folks called me at SIX-FREAKING-A.M. Saturday morning to report that Aunt Paula (Bill's sister, who I believe is now his legal guardian since my dad died) wants him to stay at the group home one weekend per month. I had forgotten that there are some requirements from the Social Security Administration regarding how many days per month (or year?) he can be away from the group home.

So, anyway... I went to Mom's without Bill and spent the majority of Saturday there, visiting with Mom and four of my sisters; and seeing my baby brother every-so-briefly as he was walking in while I was leaving. Jean and I did some shopping for Mom. Fran and I assembled the new console table Mom bought. And I went home exhausted - physically and emotionally.

Sunday was our day to experience the remnants of Hurricane Ike. It rained nearly all day, sometimes in downpours; mostly rather misty-like, but the wind was incredible! Weather reports this morning said we had wind gusts upwards of 63 MPH. Thankfully we didn't have any damage to the house, just a few smallish tree limbs blowing about. I can't imagine what it would be like to live through the force of an actual hurricane, not to mention the flooding!

I'm happy to report that the friends and family I have in the TX/LA area aren't suffering tremendous losses from the hurricane. Those who are suffering devastation are in my thoughts and prayers.

Love,
Jodi

Silly Bill

I just received a call from Uncle Bill's group home. He's invited himself to come and stay with me this weekend. He doesn't like the group home at all – he lived with my grandparents when they were alive, and my folks brought him home to stay with them nearly every weekend until my dad died. My mom's been having him over every-other weekend, but she's out of commission for the next six weeks due to her knee replacement and subsequent broken ankle.

So, my weekend plans to visit my ailing mother, proofread stuff for work, whip up some beef stew, and watch the Colts game now include picking up and entertaining Uncle Bill as well. I don't mind. Not at all. Uncle Bill is kind and loving and sweet enough to rot your teeth.

But this does mean I'll have to get in gear tonight to straighten up the house and freshen the guest bedroom.

Off to my chores,
Jodi

Am I Looking Forward, or Missing Out?

To me, part of the beauty of this blog is in being able to re-evaluate the things I've written days or weeks or months ago.

Today, I'm wondering why I am so uncomfortable enjoying the little things about life. And though nothing about my seasonal emotions has changed since I wrote this entry... I am wondering if I might be the sort of person who looks so far ahead of herself that she misses what's right in front of her nose.

I admit it... I am one of those people who "fast forwards" life. I'm in my late thirties, but still I'm more apt to give you my "next age" than I am to give you my "current age". I nearly always round up. What's with that?! I do the same thing in regard to my mom, my husband, my in-laws, my siblings, or my nieces and nephews. Strangely in my mind, we're all "about to be" something we aren't yet.

It really makes me wonder if there is some part of my nature which makes me look so far ahead. Why do I tend toward calculating the future? And is my tendency to look forward keeping me from enjoying TODAY?

I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything particulary, but I do sometimes wonder if my habit of "rounding up" is somehow leaving me behind.

Introspectively,
Jodi

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggety-Jig

I am home from my business trip, safe and sound. The drive back was quick (I stopped only twice: once for food, once for fuel) and I was only on the road for about 7-1/2 hours. That's another perk to taking road trips alone: yours is the only schedule to keep!

A few things with family and friends transpired in my absence. First, my sister Connie called me on Tuesday (while I was driving to Birmingham) to remind me of and give me a good news update on my mother's knee replacement surgery.

Mom called me the following morning to report she was feeling much better with this new knee that she had with the last. Unfortunately she also had some sad news to share. The father of one of my childhood friends died this week. I haven't spoken much to my old friend or her family for several years, but my heart breaks for her loss. The death of my own father is still so fresh in my heart and mind... I know too well what she's going through and I was so sad to hear this news.

On Wednesday, after spending a full day with my client, I received another call. This time from my sister, Jean. Evidently Mom – feeling SO good after her knee surgery, got out of bed (still at the hospital) to use the restroom – and she fell, breaking her ankle (on the same leg as the new knee). I guess if this had to happen, we can be thankful she didn't break the opposite ankle. Right?

My sister Fran called late Wednesday night to report that Mom underwent surgery on the broken, no shattered ankle bone, complete with metal plates and screws. Poor Mom! With the combination of the knee replacement and the ankle break she won't have use of her left leg for at least six weeks! I do pray that leg will heal quickly.

Leave it me to leave town when all the shit is goin' down.

Sigh. Laugh. It's the best I can manage at the moment.
XO
Jodi

Road Trip!

I drove just shy of 600 miles along interstate 65 today, from Indianapolis to Birmingham, AL. Sadly, the trip's not for pleasure. I have meetings with a client for the next two days. Life. It has a way of interrupting fun, ya know?

I rather like driving alone on trips like this. First, I don't have to deal with packing especially for airport security. Second, I don't have to leave my house/work two hours before I leave for my destination; I can pack what and how I please and be on the road in my own time. Third, I can think or not think; talk out loud to myself, or sing along to the radio as loud as I like... always off key.

Some thoughts about the drive:

I65 from Indy to Louisville is B-O-R-I-N-G. Might be because I've driven or ridden along the route fairly often. Might be because there's not much to see. I like to think myself as an advocate for the many great things Indiana has to offer, but driving I65 (north or south of Indy) just isn't that great. Yawn. The road from Louisville to Nashville was better, but still there wasn't much excitement about the surroundings.

But once you get into and through Nashville (side note: there are at least FIVE different forks/exchanges for I65 in the Nashville area alone!), the beauty of the mountains and hills of Tennessee become appearant. I wish I had a camera with me because I could have pulled off the road at several spots to take shots of the gorgeous scenery. Ahhh.

Boy, did I want to stop! Not just for pictures, but also to check out the countless parks, museums, landmarks and caves. (I haven't been caving since I was a teenager and oddly I really enjoyed it, despite my claustrophobic tendencies.) It was most disappointing that I had to drive right past the Tennessee Walking Horse Museum exit. That made me sad.

I suppose I could stop at one of these places on the way home, but I really won't have time to enjoy them completely. I'll have to talk Bob into coming back down this way, next summer maybe. I might stop in Edinburgh on my way back through southern Indiana. I haven't been to the outlet mall there in years. Maybe they'll have something I'm interested in. Or maybe I should be thinking about Christmas gifts for the families. :)

Signing off,
Jodi