My Most Convincing Cover Letter Yet!

Dear Potential Boss:

I have finally decided that when I grow up I want to be a Home Maintenance Engineer (HME). I realize the job doesn't pay well - or actually at all - but I am ready to face the challenges this new career could offer.

Photo via wikipedia.org

If you should hire me, Potential Boss, I promise to bring the following qualifications/innovations to the tasks set before me:

I will be finally able to banish the dreaded task of clothes shopping, since the only clothing items I will require as a HME are blue jeans and T-shirts in various lengths and stages of decay. Even new shoes and socks would be optional!

I will decrease your health care costs because I'll have much more time and energy to walk or bike ride with the pup. As an added bonus, the pup will be much more lethargic when you arrive home and therefore won't pester you for attention too much (in theory).

I will be able to keep the house presentable for guests at all times. This increase in productivity will eliminate our current need to scramble around swiping the surfaces of our home with dust cloths and calling it good, all the while hoping our guests won't notice the bazillion cleaning measures we cut from the "to-do" list for lack of time.

I will clip and utilize coupons at a rate far surpassing the meager efforts of The Coupon Goddess. This measure alone will save our household at least the equivalent of my current annual income, making my new HME job a no-brainer, really.

I will cook delicious and nutritious meals which all household members will enjoy enormously. Such meals will surely mean the end to cravings for fast food, pizza and other similarly nutrient-lacking meals (again, saving money... I'm brilliant!). As an added bonus, these meals will be lovingly prepared in large-enough quantities to allow plentiful leftovers you can carry as lunches on your cubical-centric weekday travels.

I will (reluctantly) take over the essential exterior chores made necessary by home ownership. This includes lawn mowing, weed pulling, garden planting, poop scooping, driveway tarring, trim painting, shrub pruning, power washing and snow removal (with the not-yet-purchased snow blower... you're kidding yourself if you think I'm moving that shit in shovel-sized scoops).

I will only be required to drive when shopping. This alone will save loads of money in gasoline purchases. And it's really the best thing we could do for the environment. DUH!

With all the money I've already saved you/us by clipping coupons, not shopping and rarely driving... I will be free to finally paint the basement walls, hang the ceiling tiles and install new flooring! Incidentally, my new HME status would also make me free to paint every interior wall of the main floor, strip and refinish the hardwood floors hiding under the ages-old orange and brown carpeting; and possibly even re-tile the entry way, reinvent the kitchen decor and update the master bathroom.

I am certain that my talents and expertise in these areas already exceed your established requirements for the position of Home Maintenance Engineer. I am eager to discuss this position with you and I can't wait to get started!

Kind Regards,
Jodi - Your only choice for a well-rounded and hardworking Home Maintenance Engineering expert!

Boring Home Decor

When Bob and I first moved here and bought furniture appropriate for our (new! larger!) space, I spent hours, days weeks and months re-arranging the living room. I moved the couch over there and the love seat over here... placed a side table next to this chair and a floor lamp next to that. I shoved the TV cabinet across the room, hoping to avoid the glare from the setting sun, and I made certain the enormous brick fireplace was always the focal point of the room.

Back then, Bob was perpetually frustrated by the changes I made. Eventually we (and the room) settled on a floor plan that worked for everyone. For several years now, the couch goes here, the love seat goes there, and the chair is stuck in that corner. The TV cabinet has been upgraded with a new flat-screen television, but it hasn't moved from that wall; and the CD cabinet, which screams college dorm room, hasn't moved from its spot near the front entry for so long that I now fear if it were moved, the carpet beneath it would be permanently pocked.

I am SO bored with my living room. Every time I walk through it I think it's probably time (after TWELVE years) that we find a way to make the room look more "adult" and less "college student". In truth I would love to move every piece of furniture in that room to the basement so I could start with a clean slate. In reality my husband might divorce me for banishing his television-watching habit to the basement, and we certainly can't afford the new, more formal furniture I want to replace the dorm-room look.

Of course, the minute I allow myself to think about re-decorating the living room, my mind wanders to the most wonderful kitchen of my dreams. And I quickly realize the alas, none of these changes are meant to be, now or in the immediate future.

And then I'm made to wonder... where is my imaginary, independently wealthy boyfriend when I need him? Sigh.

Sweet Dreams!
XO
Jodi

In Keeping with the Recent "Dream Home" Theme

Now that "My Sister's Dream Home" is complete, I've been struggling with themes about which to blog. I truly enjoyed the (self-imposed) pressure of having a person/entity/public looking for me to publish new stories of The Build each week... but now that it's done, I've realized my real world is quite boring. I'm not sure how Tami feels about the past few weeks, but for me, life after The Build is making me yawn a bit.

As I often do when I find myself bored with the drudgery of undesirable musts, I recently turned to MIBOR for a dose of daydreaming/entertainment. MIBOR is the Metropolitan Indianapolis Board of Realtors website and it has provided me with hours of joyful daydreaming over the years.

The site allows me to search whole towns in which I dream to live! And if I don't feel like seeing every home for sale in a given area, I can be more precise by dictating the listing price (min. and max.), the number of acres (at least FIVE if I'm dreaming large), and the minimum number of bedrooms, bathrooms, and square footage. I can even eliminate potential homes by indicating that my husband prefers a garage (as do I), or a basement (which we have now but mostly don't utilize).

I also love to peruse UBuildIt, which is awesome on so many levels! It displays artist renderings (and sometimes photos) of homes... but it goes one step further by including actual floor plans, and boy do I love looking at floor plans! Maybe it's my marriage to an architect, or maybe it's just my need for spacial reasoning/symmetry, but I think floor plans are wonderful, beautiful, lovely, and most importantly, adjustable.

Floor plans are to me what methadone is to an opiate addict... the thing they MUST have, while remaining completely aware that having it won't put an end to the need for a "fix". Seriously. That is how much I love floor plans. For the record, this is my current most beloved UBuildIt design. If I could build that house on 5 acres in the middle of nowhere (and still convince my family to come visit for Christmas)... my life might be perfect!

Ultimately I know that my dream of the perfect house, acres of land and horses grazing in the North/South/Back 40 will never be fulfilled. Bob and I moved into our current "starter" home almost 12 years ago, and it's clear to me now that the only way he'll leave here permanently is feet first.

Maybe the life insurance will pay off some day. In the meantime, it can't hurt to dream big dreams!

XO

Jodi

Talking to Myself

Me: We need to replace the living room furniture with a giant sectional so the three of us can snuggle up together when we're watching TV. It has to be leather though, so it'll be easy to sweep Bruno's shedding hair away.

Me2: We can't decide on a sectional yet. We haven't chosen finishes for the kitchen! It'd be silly to buy furniture now, just to have it clash with the new kitchen.

Me: So, what color should the new cabinets be? Should we do two different colors of cabinetry? Let's Google some cabinet styles.

Me2: We can't choose cabinetry until we've looked at all the countertop choices. I think a dark blue-ish gray countertop would look good with cream colored cabinets - but the cabinets will need to have some dark-ish stain on the relief areas. Maybe.

Me: But what if we decide on stainless appliances? How would those look with such light colored cabinets? We can't decide on the cabinets before we've decided on the appliances.

Me2: The floors are important too. We don't want the floors to be too dark, or too light... that could screw up the entire balance of the room. And if the floors are dark, should the breakfast nook furniture be dark too?

Me: I think the floors should be a medium brown hue, the breakfast nook should be a bit darker, but with lighter colored upholstery, the cabinetry should be lighter than the breakfast nook furniture, and the countertop should be darker than the cabinetry... and the walls should be in the darkish beige family.

Me2: We still haven't decided on the appliances!

Bob: Would you stop arguing with yourself over a non-existent remodel?

Me: Not on your life, Bob! Dreams are sometimes all I have left in my arsenal of happy thoughts!
XO
Jodi